Moving home

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I have stayed at my current flat for two years, have changed two rounds of roommates and left loads of bittersweet memories here.

Although I know this flat is far from perfect, citing the unbearable noise from the highway 24/7, the cold wind blowing in through the ventilationsl fans, and the narrow shower space, I am also going to miss it for a short period of time.

I read on my comfy bed, tap on my laptop, and watch tv episodes on my laptop.  I cook chicken soup, porridge, steam buns, crabs, and stirfry Chinese dishes.

I know life has to move forward. Now that I have a boyfriend who loves me, I have decided to move to his place, saving rent and learning more about him.

不是工作的问题,而是老板不好

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离开以前的公司之后,过了两个月,我突然发觉,不是我不适合做PR,做marketing,而是我之前的公司没有给我足够的空间去发挥我的才能。

今天我在新单位,利用手上的媒体资源,发出新闻稿,立即有两家媒体打电话采访。验证了我的方法没有问题,只是以前被老板管得太死,没有发挥的空间。

搞好与记者的关系,行文俏皮、但不乏公信力,是PR必备的两点。我以前的工作,安排给我杂七杂八的活来干,分散了我提升写作、搞好与记者关系的能力,也降低了我的创意和主动性。我一开始以为是自己能力不够,现在我知道了,是任务安排的问题。

不过,我自身也有问题需要改善。如果我勇敢地与上司提出我认为有问题的地方,或者主动与团队搞好关系,那结果可能不是这个样子了。

anyway, tomorrow is another day!

Dairy

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Dear Dairy

What is the feeling of to live, rather than settle

why people who go on pilgrimages are willing to forego everything and abandon their attachment.

They said attachment is the source of suffering and pain.

Today I met a former friend. I unfriended her on facebook based on my assumption that she and a boy I used to date are having an affair. She asked me why I unfriended her? why I abandon our friendship. I answered the same thing. I asked, can i add you as a friend? She said, no.

At first I was sad. Then I think about the boy. Is it all because of him? all because of the affection / obsession I developed for him?

I have blocked him and rejected his calls. I want to protect myself. I admit I am still weak. It is just an obsession, not an affection actually.

But just as I am prepared to fully devote myself to my current boyfriend, he, for the first time, said he was busy at work and may not make it today.

We were supposed to meet in the evening.

I felt even for him, he is not a person that I can fully rely on and trust.

Then I can only rely on myself.

What do I like? What makes me happy?

Not man.

Reading.

Books.

Music.

Writing.

What is my personal positioning?

Today I felt excited reporting the latest findings of our department.

Today I felt excited visiting the shop.

I felt good working with my current colleagues.

I admitted I was a bit disoriented.

I even missed my previous employer. – attachment

Look forward.

 

杂谈

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看到带土与鸣人等的战斗,不禁又生感慨。
带土一直希望被人认可,琳是他的唯一光明。琳走后,他的眼睛看到的都是黑暗、经历的都是孤独、甚至连心都是空的,因爱生恨,梦想将全世界催眠、制造和平也在情理之中。
后来在鸣人的启发下,他接受了大家,心里的空洞,只有别人才可以填补。他的心结打开了。

我的经历和带土有些许的相似。从小就很自卑,容易产生负罪感、愧疚感、希望得到他人的认可,希望和别人交朋友。但不知道哪里出了错,我看到的,往往是消极的一面:别人的缺点、我的不足,一直生活在被背叛、被抛弃的阴影里,以至于我开始背叛别人、抛弃别人。

我在以前的公司三年,一直把那份工作视为我的人生使命。然而,由于些许原因,我无法将我的热情完全倾注于这份工作上。这三年来,这种愧疚感一直在我心里,越压越重,以至于影响到了我的生活。这种负罪感,让我找不到人生的方向。

直到最近,有猎头公司来找我,高薪把我挖走。我在临走的时候,感情是复杂的。既有不舍,也有对新工作的期望。我以前的公司,像是一个大家庭,老板很好。到了新公司,商业氛围浓厚,老板苛刻,我感受不到成就感,感受不到人生的意义,没有了以前的使命感。正是这个时候,我开始怀念以前的公司,开始愧疚。每天早上,我都重复着在以前公司的工作,只是,有一种没有组织的感觉。我感到:我抛弃了以前的公司,以前的事业,以前的伙伴。我在新公司,没做够三个月,就离开了。

直到最近,一位智者与我谈话。他说,说实话,我不鼓励年轻人在这里长久的呆下去。我们所做的事业,也并不应该成为你人生的重心。年轻人,还有那么多的事情要经历。要勇敢、让自己的生活丰富起来。

我的心结被完全打开了。

On Getting Fired

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Today I watched the coffee mom movie from TVB. The scene when the cafe waiter was fired triggered my bitter memory of the day I was let go.

Instead of getting a two-month notice period like my previous company, I was let go immediately after being told I was fired during lunch time. My manager briefed me on how this decision was made, gave me an exit interview, and asked me to wait in the meeting room, while her assistant packed my stuff from my desk. I handed back my company ID card, put on my coat, and entered the lift under their close watch.

All of that happened in less than half an hour. I did not have time to say goodbye to my colleagues, to my team, to my PC, to my desk. I was not given the opportunity to wave goodbye to my unfinished projects, my ambitious plans, my work contacts, and most of all, my emotion invested in this job.  The lemon that I did not finish in the morning still lied quietly inside the fridge.

It remained a shock in my heart for a month, till today I watched the same scene happened to others. I should deem it as a norm, rather than something that is unbearable, inhuman or inconsiderate. I should not see myself as a victim of the brutal company rules, but see myself as a lucky bird who is set free from the cage.

 

 

 

 

Diary

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Today we got back from a Christmas trip. I felt exhilarated to see all the stunning scenery, including, but not limited to, the majestic Buddha, the grand water irrigation project, and the roaring rivers.

I also felt grateful to all the love and care he showed me.He is trying his best to take care of me and satisfy my needs, no matter it is food, or my sensual want. I am a lucky and blessed girl.

Thank God for giving me all these.